Random musings

I'm thinking a lot these days about friendship and loneliness and traveling and work. I guess I should take them one at a time but most of the time they just get tangled in together.

I always thought (I still do) that I was really lucky with having wonderful friends. And not just your run of the mill, normal people to hang out with friends, but real, deep and meaningful relationships. Like people that you know will be there 50 years from now, even though you don't speak with them for 10 years in a row. People with whom you can have meaningful conversations even though you've lived in different countries for the past...well...many years now. People that you can count on and that will come to your help and lend you a shoulder or an ear or whatever you might need, when you ask for it! I always figured though that this luck would run out. I mean...how many wonderful people can one meet and bond with in a lifetime? Plus, as you grow older you also become a bit more comfortable, not willing to go to troubles bonding with people if it's not an easy process. So I figured...this is it! I have my people, I love my people and will cherish them till I die. Which is probably why I am very surprised that this Malaysian experience has brought with it also other real proper friends. Obviously, not many. And maybe I speak too fast since I have been here only for 4 months, but I have again been very lucky. And I actually met at least 4 people that I am sure I will always keep in touch with. Which is pretty amazing if you ask me.

Now, the problem with getting all these new and great friends in Malaysia while working for an NGO, is that most of them are here temporarily and have left or will be leaving this place rather soon. Just like I will in about 8 months. Which has got me thinking about loneliness. See, when I came here I did not really expect to build such relationships. I did expect to meet cool people and have interesting conversations. But I did not expect to get attached. Obviously, now I realise that was complete bullshit cause I am me, and I always get attached. Also life is much nicer when you get attached. Just the leaving hurts. Because the feeling of loneliness gets deeper. As always, it's probably all about expectations. I was fine when I did not expect to get attached. But afterwards I got used to having at least some people here. So when you don't have them anymore...ah well....it sucks.

Which then also makes me think about traveling. All the people that travel continuously actually. It really takes guts. And the part with leaving everything you know and throwing yourself into the unknown, is just the beginning of the gutsy part. It takes guts to leave in such a temporary state. The material/ housing situation isn't even the tough part. The relationships are temporary too - and the farewells extremely often. And that is just difficult. I am not sure how people make it. Probably the excitement of novelty makes everything else wear off. I just am not sure how healthy that is on the long term. What if you just become a person that can never build anything ever again?

There is a high probability that I've been too dramatic in this post but these are just some of the thoughts going through my head lately...